quick note...

well, the first class of the third week is down. new teacher, she's one of the senior-most teachers, coming to us from boston. i thought her class was amazing - she used the analogy of her being the bus driver, us the the passengers. we can't get on the bus early, before the bus reaches our stop, we can't get on the bus late, because it will be gone. if we have to stop and wait for someone, we're all going to be late. i liked it. she made sure we were only doing what were being told to do each and every second. 

but for the first time, so far, i had to leave the classroom. it sucked. but it would have sucked more if i'd shit my pants/mat. i was having some stomach issues this morning before class, and i was hoping they would subside (or at least calm down) during class, but after the first set of standing separate leg stretching... i felt it coming! so i ran out of the room. but i ran right back in after and was able to complete the second set of triangle (which is sooo much better after emmy's posture clinic - that woman is amazing and an inspiration to anyone that meets her) and the rest of the class without mishap. 

about to go to take the anatomy exam. woo-hoo. not worried at all, i got this shit. 

two weeks down

                               

well, we've successfully gotten through another week. and although we've been told that we're still somewhat in the "honey-moon phase" i think we're all glad for it to be over. i know i am. yes, its sunday already, and i almost don't know where yesterday's time went, i am grateful for the rest of today. AND for the fact that i could actually fall asleep last night and sleep through the night, unlike last weekend. i'll tell you what we did yesterday...

rolling out of bed at 5:30 is no fun at all, but the morning class was a refreshing one, taught by linn, who really is a phenomenal teacher, with all of her energy and encouragement. it really is true, if you properly hydrate yourself before class... you don't need water! and she practically bitch slaps you (mentally) to try and get that into your head. mind over the matter... 

after class, and after lunch danielle and i both had private half hour sessions with the speech therapist the boss had come down for us. she gave a lecture on thursday afternoon about how to properly and effectively use your voice, so as to not blow out and do permanent damage to your vocal cords while teaching up to 40 hours a week (which, i'm sure, none of us will be doing, at least not right away, but sometime in the future you never know.) B is a longtime personally friend of hers, she saved his yoga teaching career, so she holds a special place is his heart, and she in his. anyways she gave an amazing lecture on thursday and i was so enamored with her vibrancy, strength, and commanding presence that i simply had to have an appointment with her. not for any particular reason, i had nothing in mind that i really wanted to talk to her about, but i felt like she would have something profound to teach me, or even tell me. she has a wonderfully correct intuition into someone's life and history simply by observing the way one carries themselves and speaks. so both danielle and i went to meet with her, one on one, and i think it was well worth the  money spent. we both felt extremely empowered after meeting her, and already can see some incredible differences. but one of the big things she said was to "GET OUT OF HERE!". this place can be suffocating, and extremely overwhelming, especially when we are eating, sleeping, breathing the same thing, the same ideas, the same studies. so we did. we took a cab into acapulco, went to the old-town flea market, did a little shopping and went out to dinner. it was just what we both needed, a really great afternoon. then came "home", did a little toying around online and finally crashed around 11:30. AND SLEPT UNTIL 9. perfect. 

today is a day for food shopping, and studying. luckily it looks like its going to be a beautiful day, hopefully we'll be able to get our tan on. we're all expressing the same concerns - "it's going to be pretty pathetic if we go home after 2 months in acapulco WITHOUT a tan!!". today's the day for a massage on the beach, too. CAN'T WAIT. LONG OVERDUE. 

here are some pics for y'all :)

first is the hotel, then my room, then me and danielle, the beach, and the yoga room. 

what a week so far

sunday night the earth shook. yup, experienced my first earthquake. it wasn't a big one, a 4.2 on the richter scale, nothing too spectacular (or terrifying!) for someone who regularly feels them, but for me - and danielle - who do not come from fault zones, we were definitely a little freaked out. it was around 1:30-2:00am, we'd gone to bed early, probably 3 hours earlier. i was still having a hell of a time sleeping so when i "woke up" to what i thought was danielle picking up the end of my bed i was like "what the hell?!". then i must have gone back to sleep - haha, the quake lulled me to sleep - and in the morning i had completely forgotten about it. it wasn't until we were in am yoga that someone mentioned it to danielle and she asked if i had felt it. i was like, "omg! i did! i remember now - i thought i had dreamt that". wierd. we had another little one - more of a tremor - yesterday during the evening yoga class - halfway through triangle, the ceiling tiles start rumbling around. i heard it but didn't feel it - i guess that can attest to my level of concentration during triangle.

so classes so far this week have been pretty phenomenal. monday was the first time i've been able to complete the entire class without interruption, no laying down, no sitting out entire postures or even sets. i've finally conquered triangle! its still not my best, but its getting better daily. i feel stronger. every day i can push it a little harder. i finally got to the point where i stopped stressing over the sequence... i literally take it one step at at time. i dont anticipate the next posture, or even the next set. i dont tell myself, "you can do this" or "you can't do this". i just do. to the best of my ability at that point. 

allison peed her mat yesterday in class... and then laid in her pee and cried. i know a lot of people have peed, shit, puked themselves in that room. luckily i'm not one of those poor souls. but i did pee a little in my bed monday night - i totally couldn't help it, i drank so much water trying to stay hydrated... but i realized it and make it to the bathroom... but definitely had to change my shorts! and i'm sure glad the maid changed my sheets yesterday...lol.

i've been having really strange dreams lately, things coming back up that i haven't thought about in years. repressed emotions, probably. i haven't had any major emotional break-throughs yet... but i'm sure that's to come. i did have a nightmare last night that i missed like 4 sign-ins and i was like "OMG DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO DO 4 MAKE-UPS?!?!?" lol. i guess that means i'll never miss a sign-in. at least thats what dale says. 

so this morning we had our first real "freak out". bikrams senior-most teacher, emmy cleaves, is here from L.A. and apparently being taught by her is a real honor. bikram says he can pretty much live without anyone, but he can't live without emmy. she's been teaching his yoga for 35 years. well, she has been teaching our morning class for the past three days now, and, honestly... she seems like a nice woman, definitely very intelligent, and full of good information. but to tell you the truth, she's a bit of a leach when it comes to sucking the life-force out of the class. not only does she pull the energy out of the class, she constantly is telling us how much we suck. come on, just a little positive reinforcement goes a long way... and her class has never run shorter than 2 hours. well this morning when we were coming towards the end (i believe we were in the second set of cobra, so we still had three more postures and final breathing) we hear someone up front yell, "one more minute" - because we were, indeed, at 89 minutes of what is supposed to be a 90 minute class. i don't think anyone really paid much attention, and quite frankly i'm pretty sure i said, "shut the hell up" - because i get really irritated when anyone talks during class. well, sure enough, one minute later, this older gentleman, stan, got up with his mat and towel and started storming out of the room yelling "fuck you! fuck this! this is breach of contract! this is supposed to be 90 minutes, you keep us here for 2 hours!! we signed contracts stating we would take two 90 minute classes per day - fuck you!! fuck you!!" and we're all like, "stan! wait! come back!" (even though he WAS vocalizing what we've all been thinking for the past 3 days. but sure enough he stormed out, and didn't come back. apparently he went and spoke with bikram, who really tried to encourage him to stay, but to no avail. i guess he was pretty sexist toward women, and felt that emmy had nothing to teach him, or us for that matter. i totally disagree with that part... (but i do agree that she could save her long ongoing stories for lecture and not yoga class...)

we had another movie night last night, and, luckily, i brought my pillow, blanket and sweatshirt, so when my eye-lids got heavy i was able to sleep. not comfortably, but any shut-eye at this point is welcomed. we got to bed around 1am (back to the room) and slept until 6. i woke up feeling like i had actually gotten an adequate amount of sleep. then i went to emmy's class and came out feeling like i'd pulled an all-nighter. its amazing how the energy in the room can really affect you in one way or the other. 

but all in all i feel a lot stronger, happier, and more content than i ever have, probably (the strongest, definitely). its weird to think i've been here for 11 days, but at the same time its weird to think that i've only been here for 11 days. i'm already anticipating how strange it will be to go back to a normal life, with a regular schedule. how odd to not being doing 11 classes per week... (well, taking 11 classes, i hope i will be in 11 classes total per week!) 

JUST HAD BIKRAMS FIRST LECTURE... NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE IT. MORE LATER. WHEN MY EYES AREN'T CHAFFING MY EYELIDS FROM BEING SO TIRED. 

winding down the weekend...

well, our day and a half of R&R is coming to a close. not that i got a whole lot of rest, but a decent amount of relaxation. we got up a half-hour early yesterday morning, at 5:30, because on saturdays our morning class (the ONLY class) is at 8 instead of 8:30. a nice little kick in the ass before you get the rest of the weekend off. class was actually a really great one, dale was teaching - pretty much our "training guide", he's the "enforcer of ridiculous but necessary rules" - and i liked his style. it was a straight up 90 minute class, primarily dialogue, not a whole lot of bull-shit. it seemed like the majority of people had a pretty decent class, i know i did. i was able to fully go into triangle - which has been my trouble spot for the past week. i don't know what the problem is, i haven't had issues with triangle before (and i am not bringing expectations from my previous practice - not freaking out like "omg, what's wrong with me?! i can always do triangle!") but i quite possible may be holding something in my hips, something that hasn't been broken down yet. who knows. its progressively getting better. 

i didn't do much all weekend, other than study. spent quite a bit of time just laying by the pool. yesterday danielle and i started out on the beach, but its so overwhelming to be bombarded by vendors trying to sell you everything from sarongs and beach cover-ups to cheap silver jewelry to 4-wheeler or horse-back rides that we just said "screw it, we'll go to the pool". not to mention we didn't necessarily want to leave our stuff unguarded on the lounge-chairs while we went into the ocean. and it was *freaking hot*, so we definitely wanted to get in the water. after spending some time by the pool we headed down the beach to this little cabana shop where we had been directed (by casey - this totally adorable texan red-head) to buy cheap bathing suits. it was so funny, her business card says "maria shop - we won't rip you off too bad" haha. she sold us a bathing suit and two really cute authentic mexican dresses for $70. i thought it was a great deal, i've been looking for a dress like the one i bought since i was in tulum back in 2005. its a wearable souvenir. i really want to get a massage, and some of the other therapists and i have discussed doing an exchange, but quite frankly i am just too tired to be working on someone else. i need to pampered. loren, i wish u were here with your big, strong hands :*(  they are giving us a "deal" here at the spa, but the prices are still crazy-expensive, and i've been told the quality is not at all impressive. and i am kind of a massage snob - but, hey, i'm allowed to be. one of the other therapists told me she got a pretty good massage by one of the ladies on the beach - for cheap. i think i'll hit that up next weekend... i'll probably take some hand sanitizer and provide my own oil, though... just thinking ahead. i don't know what kind of oil they use or where their hands have been before on my back... the last thing i need is some weird skin fungus... 

then we met up with allison, kara, stroud, isaac, and chris for dinner. after that was bedtime. and i was sooo excited to sleep in. maybe i was just so excited by the prospect of sleeping in but for some reason i couldn't fall asleep for shit. and when i finally did i tossed and turned all night long until 8am when danielle got up for her massage. i just got up and went downstairs planning to enjoy some coffee and internet, but instead of getting connected i ended up sitting down and having a long convo with stroud for almost 2 hours. but it was definitely worth it, we had a great discussion. i am meeting some of the most amazing people down here. i'm so glad we're all sharing in this journey together. some people have really shitty/snarky attitudes, and its definitely a bummer. but screw them, they're the ones making it worse for themselves. i'm nice to everyone until they give me reason not to be. even then i'm not going to be a bitch, but i for sure am not going out of my way to be friendly. i have to put enough effort into remaining calm and collected in the yoga room to try and worry about someone else's shitty attitude. 

after doing a little shopping at wal-mart (pretty funny, that's our escape) i came back to the hotel and lounged by the pool for a few hours, studying my dialogue and getting my tan on. i have the next two postures down - through awkward. thats my game plan for internalizing the dialogue. i am going to try to stay one step ahead of schedule. i think we'll be doing about 3 postures a week, so if i really familiarize myself with the up-coming postures the weekend before i should be spot on. time will tell if that plan of attack works. just had dinner with the gang, now its bed-time. starting the whole thing over again tomorrow. 

half-moon

so i did my dialogue in front of the boss yesterday. me, and danielle, and kara, and straud. and of course we all kicked ass :) we  got to the lecture hall early and got in line, because people have been fighting for a spot. the way we figured was it was close to the end, and we definitely didn't want to have to stress about it all weekend, our only free time!! 

surprisingly i was nervous, even though i know the dialogue and have done tons of public speaking. but for as much as you know the dialogue like the back of your hand, when you get onstage in front of bikram and 300 others who also know the dialogue - verbatim - your brain turns onto autopilot and you can hardly consciously think of what is coming out of your mouth. i made no mistakes, didn't forget any of the instructions, but a few times had to stop for a second and find where i was and what came next. onlstage you are living so much in the moment, the 'right now', that you can't really remember what you've already said (or not said!). find the balance between thinking and speaking. unlike most other things in life, you can't really think before you speak!! you just have to know - and go from there. 

i vocalized this observation to danielle and kara, and kara said that that is one of the most beautiful things about yoga, and especially this yoga. it brings out your true nature. the dialogue comes out so fast once you know it, and it becomes second nature. then who you truly are, your personality and caring for the others in the room really come forth through your tone, inflection, and feeling.  

the boss stopped me after "hips  more forward, upper body back more, weight in the heels" with a resounding "stop! that's enough. perfect. no correction." :) then he proceeded to ask the room "do you know why she has so much energy?" and of course everyone starts shouting out different things they think he wants to hear, to which he replies, "no. its because she massaged me." haha. i said, "of course! you have such great energy that i internalized it and held onto it for two months."

lucky number 7

thats how many classes we've done in the past 4 days. thats more than my average week of practice. and there's 3 more to go. my body is going through definite changes, none that are too extreme [so far] but many that were unexpected. i hurt, all over, but in a good way. my practice is getting stronger daily, and although i'm sure i'll be taking some backwards steps as my muscles strengthen and tighten i'm hoping to find the balance sooner than later. but i actually think its something we'll all experience numerous times throughout training. there is not standing still, we are in a constant state of change. 

so, for the most part i really am a positive person. i try to see the bright side to every situation and find the good in whatever curve balls come my way. but last night, i just couldn't understand the meaning behind our evening lecture. posture clinic ended at 10pm because bikram wanted to watch a movie with us. Ok, fine. he told us what it was about - the main theme being overcoming differences and discrimination between religions/ethnicities/beliefs. sounds great. i understand now why his school is called "bikram's yoga college of india" - this yoga is so much more than just the asanas, it is about every aspect, every facet of life. he brings india to the west, in every way - family, love, religion. its all about personal beliefs. so i was totally down for learning. he's the guru - please, teach me. but when it came time to set up the projector, the dvd wouldn't work, so he brought down another one of his favorites - some bollywood musical romance. it was the corniest, most ridiculous thing i've ever seen, not to mention 3 1/2 hours long. we were stuck [and i do mean stuck, we were not allowed to leave - doors locked] in the freezing auditorium the entire time. didn't get out until 2am, when we have an 8:30 yoga class, which he was not teaching. some people brought pillows, others, earplugs - because one of the tricks to keeping people from sleeping is to blast the volume on high. i tried so hard to shut my eyes and block it all out, this week has really been extremely exhausting just trying to get into the swing of things, but to no avail. i was wide eyed the entire time. but by intermission - yes, it was two parts, had an intermission which, of course, we did not observe - i was pissed. i was ranting - in my mind - 'what the hell, why do we have to watch this piece of shit? just because he doesn't sleep means that we can't? he's not the one doing double classes, and getting up at 6am!' by the time the movie was over i was almost in tears i was so tired. this morning my eyes were puffy, itchy, and red from lack of sleep. i walked into my morning yoga class already saying, "i'm going to be laying down through half of this" - i already anticipated my own weakness. but the instructor this morning was so motivating, he reminded us all of how easy it is to give up, to panic, to lose faith in our own abilities. the only limitations which exist are those within the mind. if you stop thinking, and only do... you can do anything. after my lowest low - so far - i went and had my best class so far. and it made me understand the reasoning behind keeping us up so late and in such misery last night. sleep is necessary, but being tired is a choice. this yoga definitely gives you energy. as bikram would say, yoga is a gas station [actually, he says this about the savasana, but i'll use the analogy for the entire practice]; when you're running on empty you can refuel your body and become as good as new. i was more awake and refreshed after my 90 minute class than i was before i went in, thats for sure. and here it is now, almost 9pm, after having done another 90 minute class and about to head off to evening lecture, where we'll probably be until at least midnight. and i'm actually pretty chipper.  

and i get it now. at least today. the reason behind all the bullshit - or what seems like bullshit. stuff that is, on the surface, totally unrelated to yoga. we all chose to come here, to be taught by bikram, to have him lead us, and teach us all that he has to share. he is our guru. we are students. this [amazing] resort is the most luxurious ashram in the world. 

and it really is - i went and jumped into the ocean after class today. the water was glorious and a light rain was falling. i couldn't ask for a better way to wrap up that portion of the day. 

first day of doubles

got up at 6am this morning (after going to bed around 12:30 last night - the hotel was celebrating the mexican independence with a huge party in the lobby, including mariachi and the whole she-bang. was pretty cool, aside from the fact that my room is less than 25 yards away... and mexicans love to party), made and drank my protein drink, ate a banana and downed about 24oz of water. then laid back down until 7:30. wanted to make sure i had enough food and hydration to sustain me through this first of many long and strenuous days. i'd rather get myself into a good pattern now, rather than be one of those poor saps puking/passing out/cramping so bad they're sobbing. our first yoga class started at 8:30, but check-in starts a half hour before class, so we headed down there a little after 8. class this morning was really refreshing. we ended up in the center of the room - somehow we managed to be in row 5 without even knowing it - so we were under one of very few vents in the room.  i felt adequately hydrated, so the heat in the room really didn't bother me too much. i only had to sit/lay down a couple of times, and for the most part i was really happy with my practice. rajashree led the class today, and i just love her. every time she speaks i want to break down and cry, i just feel such a draw towards her. she has a beautiful energy surrounding her. 

after lunch we had our first dialogue clinic, and i was pretty anxious to do my half-moon. at first i didn't know if i wanted to go today or not, but after thinking about it i realized that i know that shit, and putting it off until tomorrow or thursday is doing no good for me, only creating more stress and anxiety worrying about it. unfortunately there were too many eager souls, fighting tooth and nail to get onstage and impress bikram - or just get it out of the way. for the most part everyone was pretty impressive - bikram, himself, said that we are the best group of teacher trainees thus far. i plan on being one of those at the front of the line tomorrow morning. 

just got out of our second class for the day, and i had a pretty good class. there were a few times that i thought, "i can't do this, i have to lay down", but i really tried to push through it and at least get through the first set of those postures. the room seemed a bit hotter, which it probably was, since it had been heating up all day, and i certainly sweat my ass off. i'm going to have the best skin when i'm done with this :) bikram started being a bit harsh on some of the students - i'm really trying to not set him off, i don't want to be picked on the way he picks on  people. even though i know its his way of handing out tough love. he's really not a dick, but he sure can come off that way. but i am very appreciative of him, and the fact that he is going to be here with us for so much of our time down here... even though i have to keep reminding myself to feel that way. tonight's class was over 2 hours! 2 hours and 15 minutes!! and at the end of it, he kept us in our final savasana for like 20 minutes and insisted that we listen to 2 of his songs from the cd - bikram love. i'm like, "are you for real?" btw the cd itself is hilarious, he's on the cover with holding a microphone with his "gun" pointed at you like, "heeeey".  by that point i was getting frustrated and angry. ... gotta go, time for evening lecture...

2nd day

we had an easy morning, no class, just another lecture in the auditorium, which we didn't have to be at until 10am. in a way it was nice, but at the same time i think a lot of us are really anxious to get into the swing of things and try to set a routine. thats really the only way to get out of this alive :) 

i got a little choked up when rajashree was speaking this morning. she welcomed us all with such love and compassion. we are family now, a true part of the choudhury clan. there is no animosity here - we're all here for the same reason, and we should all act as though we are family, because we are now. we are all the same on the inside, and we are all going to experience the same trials and tribulations during this journey.  it was such an overwhelming feeling that i felt a few tears come to my eyes. i know i'm going to go through plenty of emotional ups and downs, but i didnt think it would start so soon. but emotional breakdown is a good thing. how many of us really laugh the way that the we want to? cry the way we want to? this is a safe place, we're going to learn how to live and feel... then we met bikram, and he is such a character. not to mention a literal fount of knowledge, wisdom, and insight. he can meet a person for one minute, look at them and listen, and really SEE them, know immediately what kind of person they are, what truly lies in the heart and soul. and i know this is true, from meeting him in july. that, too was an overwhelming experience, but i could tell from the two hours i spent working on him that he is really a special person. i can't believe we'll be learning from him, and all of his senior staff the entire 9 weeks. "nowhere else in the world will you find the faculties that will be accessible to you for the next 60 days." we are the luckiest people in the world right now. he told us he'd teach us to the live about the masses - he's going to give us the ability to tap into our higher consciousness. 

 

then we had our first class in the "torture chamber". it's nice because they have all been telling us to take it the easy the first week, that this is something we will need to ease into, our bodies need time to adjust. so "boss" said he'd take it easy on us. yeah... that meant allowing us to sit or lie down as needed, but leaving us in postures for indeterminate amounts of time, cutting savasanas short, and singing! our first class was 2 hours long! not complaining, though. its just the beginning. it was definitely not my best class ever, i had to take quite a few breaks, but my body isn't used the the [at least] 70% humidity in the room, and i've been out of class for, gasp, at least two weeks. i was trying really hard to stay focused, but i've been battling some kind of bug and my throat glands were swollen and sore, and my head was throbbing. and i had to pee something fierce by the second posture, so my floor series suffered slightly. but i'm getting myself hydrated and preparing for tomorrow. we start the normal routine, with double classes, posture (dialogue) clinics, and lecture. yay. we'll see how my body is holding up by saturday :)

the first three posts...

so i started blogging on facebook, only to lose my first entry, so somewhere in the cyber world of facebook is a really informative post about my first night at training... then i started blogging on myspace, only to realize that many of my friends and family dont use myspace...

so

here are the first three (well, subsequent three, after the first was lost)  -