thats how many classes we've done in the past 4 days. thats more than my average week of practice. and there's 3 more to go. my body is going through definite changes, none that are too extreme [so far] but many that were unexpected. i hurt, all over, but in a good way. my practice is getting stronger daily, and although i'm sure i'll be taking some backwards steps as my muscles strengthen and tighten i'm hoping to find the balance sooner than later. but i actually think its something we'll all experience numerous times throughout training. there is not standing still, we are in a constant state of change.
so, for the most part i really am a positive person. i try to see the bright side to every situation and find the good in whatever curve balls come my way. but last night, i just couldn't understand the meaning behind our evening lecture. posture clinic ended at 10pm because bikram wanted to watch a movie with us. Ok, fine. he told us what it was about - the main theme being overcoming differences and discrimination between religions/ethnicities/beliefs. sounds great. i understand now why his school is called "bikram's yoga college of india" - this yoga is so much more than just the asanas, it is about every aspect, every facet of life. he brings india to the west, in every way - family, love, religion. its all about personal beliefs. so i was totally down for learning. he's the guru - please, teach me. but when it came time to set up the projector, the dvd wouldn't work, so he brought down another one of his favorites - some bollywood musical romance. it was the corniest, most ridiculous thing i've ever seen, not to mention 3 1/2 hours long. we were stuck [and i do mean stuck, we were not allowed to leave - doors locked] in the freezing auditorium the entire time. didn't get out until 2am, when we have an 8:30 yoga class, which he was not teaching. some people brought pillows, others, earplugs - because one of the tricks to keeping people from sleeping is to blast the volume on high. i tried so hard to shut my eyes and block it all out, this week has really been extremely exhausting just trying to get into the swing of things, but to no avail. i was wide eyed the entire time. but by intermission - yes, it was two parts, had an intermission which, of course, we did not observe - i was pissed. i was ranting - in my mind - 'what the hell, why do we have to watch this piece of shit? just because he doesn't sleep means that we can't? he's not the one doing double classes, and getting up at 6am!' by the time the movie was over i was almost in tears i was so tired. this morning my eyes were puffy, itchy, and red from lack of sleep. i walked into my morning yoga class already saying, "i'm going to be laying down through half of this" - i already anticipated my own weakness. but the instructor this morning was so motivating, he reminded us all of how easy it is to give up, to panic, to lose faith in our own abilities. the only limitations which exist are those within the mind. if you stop thinking, and only do... you can do anything. after my lowest low - so far - i went and had my best class so far. and it made me understand the reasoning behind keeping us up so late and in such misery last night. sleep is necessary, but being tired is a choice. this yoga definitely gives you energy. as bikram would say, yoga is a gas station [actually, he says this about the savasana, but i'll use the analogy for the entire practice]; when you're running on empty you can refuel your body and become as good as new. i was more awake and refreshed after my 90 minute class than i was before i went in, thats for sure. and here it is now, almost 9pm, after having done another 90 minute class and about to head off to evening lecture, where we'll probably be until at least midnight. and i'm actually pretty chipper.
and i get it now. at least today. the reason behind all the bullshit - or what seems like bullshit. stuff that is, on the surface, totally unrelated to yoga. we all chose to come here, to be taught by bikram, to have him lead us, and teach us all that he has to share. he is our guru. we are students. this [amazing] resort is the most luxurious ashram in the world.
and it really is - i went and jumped into the ocean after class today. the water was glorious and a light rain was falling. i couldn't ask for a better way to wrap up that portion of the day.
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