the first two days this week were the worst two days i've experienced thus far during training. monday wasn't all that bad, other than my mishap in the morning class, but tuesday was utter hell. for whatever reason, be it that i didn't rehydrate enough after getting rid of so many fluids monday, or not taking in enough protein, or being low on electrolytes... or a combination of all of it - half-way through the morning class i was knocked to the ground and totally unable to get back up. i lost my hearing, started seeing the electric sparks, and had the first signs of "tunnel vision". i know those signs - i was on the verge of passing out. i got out of the posture (it wasn't even a really difficult one! i made it through triangle, and it was in standing separate head to knee) and for the rest of class i think i was only able to do single sets here and there. i didn't complete 3/4 of the spine or floor series. but i didn't leave the room. i was determined to stay on my mat and suffer in silence. i knew i could stay in the room, and if i left i'd be kicking myself in the ass because i know its not necessary. for me, at that moment. 

not to mention its the third week, and now they've cranked the heat up. why? to fuck with us. thats what they do. now its around 115, or so i've heard. i would believe it. so it literally FEELS like hell. especially in the back of the room. we're divided into our groups now, and we have to set up in the yoga room depending on where our group is assigned. monday and tuesday my group had to be in the back of the room, the last two rows. one would think that it might be cooler back there, because its closer to the doors, but one would be seriously mistaken. there is absolutely no air circulation so its stagnant and boiling. FUCKING SUCKS. i think thats another factor into why i had such shitty classes, i was seriously overheating. and then, not knowing why, i was probably freaking myself out a little, getting a little anxious, and not properly breathing. who knows. all i know is that yesterdays evening class was better than the morning. as far as my performance goes. but last night was a killer class in that the teacher just frustrates me with the amount of rambling he does. i couldn't contain myself. i couldn't breathe through it and accept what was going on. instead i was yelling and screaming in my head, "shut the fuck up! we don't fucking care!!" and at one point, laying in savasana (which is supposed to be a relaxation pose, but when its 115 in the room, i'd much rather keep my mind and body busy and just keep on with the class - really, 5 minute savasanas are bullshit), i turned to danielle and said, "i hate him. i really hate him." she laughed and was like, "me too. all i can do is laugh." i wanted to cry. then we had 3 hours of stupid and redundant lecture. oh well, tuesday is over, and it'll never be again. 

sometimes i feel bad for feeling this way, but, ya know, i'm allowed to. i know its just a low, and i'll have my highs. and for as much as i hate some of the teachers, sometimes, i always respect them. i know they're here because they really care about producing the best teachers and want us to reach our full potential. but at the same time i really think they LIKE TO FUCK WITH US. i feel like i'm joining the bikram fraternity... i though hazing was seriously looked down upon... ;)

this morning my group was in the front of the room, we had diane, the really awesome teacher from boston, and it pretty much kicked ass. aside from being stiff as hell, having a strained hamstring, locked up joints in every possible location... it was a great class.